"Hi, I am a sunny boy, but once I even thought about ending all with death."
On a night in October 2019, a boy wrote this sentence to end this self-reported article.
The next day, the article was published on IB Gravity, a student We-Media of Huijia, which instantly caused an unprecedented increase in visits.
"A lot of people sent me messages, the most frequently used words I replied are the simplest 'Thank you'".
Experiencing parents' divorce and leukemia, with this song-like 3,042-word article, this boy told his story about getting out of psychological shadow step by step and ushering in the hope of life in dedicate and determined manners.
Some people commented like this: "Although his story only belongs to himself, the spirit in the story has encouraged you and me."
When I asked him about his past again, the boy said that he was grateful for this dark moment in his life.
"Thanks to the past, I can exactly review myself again. I am graceful for everything in the world: ups and downs, love and care once avoided, and those movies and stages that had illuminated my heart and made me really love... Now, I can't wait to run far away."
Yes, he is such a boy. His name is Pancho Mao and he comes from Class 4, Huijia 17IB.
"I was confused until I met the movie and the stage."
Pancho Mao left the public school and transferred to Huijia when he was in Grade 9. The original intention of Pancho Mao and his mother to choose this school was very simple. Judging from the information they knew, they thought Huijia was a diversified school that could respect children.
“Being suffocated by the depressing learning atmosphere in public schools, I was eager to gain more respect and understanding in a new environment. I also hoped to find my own interests and specialties in the rich courses."
In fact, they have not been disappointed there.
After coming to Huijia, the inquiry-based learning method has been changed from the boring learning method in the past, making Pancho Mao realize that learning is becoming interesting. Occasionally, the back stage support for a stage performance opened another door to his life.
"I remember that it was a large-scale activity organized by the school, and two boys were required to help control the lights at the back stage. I was one of them. At that time, after a simple training, I controlled the complicated console with the teacher. Although the audience could not see us during the whole performance, I knew that our performance was the key to the whole performance."
After his first "special" contact with the stage, Pancho Mao began to volunteer to participate in various performances held by the school, in which he took charge of stage control without exception.
After dozens of performances, Pancho Mao knew every corner of Feng Ying Theater like the managers in the theater.
"Before that, I never knew the stage was so charming. Since then, I really love this stage.
After entering High School, Pancho Mao joined the High School Movie Studio. He said: "No class has ever attracted me like this."
In the High School Movie Studio, Pancho Mao worked as a producer and director, and he even wrote and directed a complete short film Distortion in Grade 12.
In the process of making this short film, Pancho Mao was not only the writer and director, but also the field worker, finding his own shooting site and actors... He went through the whole process of film making wholeheartedly.
Pancho Mao said that he loved stories. Stories about the relationship between people always fascinated him. In this process, he enjoyed a sense of accomplishment, unprecedented happiness and fulfillment brought by the movie
When I first engaged in this career, I was attracted by the images, which can always show the audience the image that the director or writer wants to express most in the most intuitive manner.
When I followed the film crew for first time, the film made was an advertisement in the form of micro film. Like most people who came to the shooting site for the first time, I was surprised by the complexity and unpredictability of the site. However, while working as an on-site assistant, I found that these complicated and trivial tasks were very organized and systematic. There was no one who could be idle on the site. All of them had a common goal under the command of the director group and the on-site producers - trying their best to show the script in the best way.
I began to be curious about this career. So, I tried to create my own script, to express the story I conceived through images. From writing scripts to organizing the crew, on-site director to post guidance, I made a short film for the first time. Although there were many hardships and difficulties in it, I really enjoyed the process. I think there is a soul worth exploring under everyone's appearance, and images are a good medium for us to dig out stories in our hearts.
If you believe, miracles might happen in life
At the beginning of 2018, Pancho Mao caught fever frequently and later was diagnosed with leukemia. His confusion was mixed with fear and abandonment. He asked himself frequently: Why me?
His decadent state continued until he got the care from a strange mother once in the hospital. Her care moved Pancho Mao's numbness and indifference and touched the softest part of his heart.
The mother's child suffered from leukemia and might not live for long. At this desperate moment, the mother still smiled and encouraged another "irrelevant" stranger with positive and optimistic words.
This made Pancho Mao suddenly wake up. He realized that he had neglected the efforts of the people around him so much. Those people were suffering endless pain, but they still embraced selfless love and care to give strength to others.
Since then, Pancho Mao had begun to re-examine all the people and things around him. Those to who were once turned a blind eye and those who were stubbornly misunderstood by him were appearing in front of his eyes in another state.
"I would like to thank my mother, who is a psychiatrist. In addition to her selfless love, she also gave me infinite strength with tolerance and wisdom, which let me gradually get rid of anxiety, concentrate on the present as much as possible, and be happy every day. Also, I would thank the teachers and classmates who keep sending me greetings. "
In September 2018, a miracle happened.
In the new examination report, the blood test showed good results. This turning point appeared like the plot of a novel, so dramatic, but so real.
He began to think about this experience: What exactly does it want to tell me?
Death, a heavy topic, may not necessarily be mentioned in our increasingly busy life. But when the deadline of life is getting closer and closer to you, when it is coming to you in three years or one month, or even tomorrow, do you still think it is far away? At such times, we always think seriously about what to do next, enjoy playing, going out to see the world you don't know, or do everything you want to do?...
Destiny may not be unfair sometimes, but you should consider that it is your life and only by grasping it can you create more possibilities.
Life is like a level-based game, in which many challenges will come endlessly. Your family members, friends and lovers will accompany you to face difficulties. So, try to feel every moment attentively. Do not be afraid of facing the result, and enjoy every process, which is what life is all about.
- Once I Thought about Ending all with Death by Pancho Mao
The school offered Pancho Mao a "long vacation" and the teacher told him that there would always be a place for him.
After returning to Huijia, he was still not completely recovered, but in the following time, everyone saw a more positive Pancho Mao.
He worked hard to study making films, followed the team to Japan to make advertising films, entered the crew to learn the knowledge and skills that a director should possess, and cooperated with the students of the film school to make films...
He still loved the green football field in the school and felt the happiness brought by football while running freely.
He once again devoted himself to clubs and the student union, and he was duty-bound to every stage event that needed his support.
The Fighting Club Organized by Pancho Mao
He also decided that he would devote himself to the film industry without hesitation in the future.
"I know that most people think that this is a very difficult path, but I love it anyway. Life can be very long or very short. For me, the result is not so important any more. I hope to do what I like and devote myself to the current matters with infinite enthusiasm. "
When I asked Pancho Mao why he decided to write down this experience and publish it on the student We-Media, he replied to me: "I hope more people can realize the meaning and value of the present in my story, cherish every day you enjoy, and face your life fearlessly. Don't care about the result, jut immerse yourself in the journey of life like a child and fully put in your love. This is the light of our life. This is the meaning of life. "